Lynne d Johnson

 

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07.25.03 12:17 AM

idle time

When the clock struck 12, I finally felt it. I mean that empty feeling. Yeah, that's what I felt. Something about the clock striking 12 made me realize it'll be the first weekend in about a year and a week, that you won't be here for me to love in person. Yeah, I played it cool when you boarded the plane, as I watched the tears stream down your face as we partook in that final embrace. Just now I'm thinking, what am I going to do this weekend? Yeah, I'll probably go to the gym, something I've been putting off once I knew you'd definitely be up and out. Yeah, I'll probably catch up on all those writing assignments and grading of student's papers. And yet, that emptiness will filter through my body, shocking my system, and funnel out of my pores. It's 'cuz you're not here in the flesh. I'll probably speak to you. Do some serious IMing, and OT phone calling, but damn, the emptiness is settling in. And though I know we're still together, you're just so damn far away. My weekends have been filled with you, and lately everyday has been. Yeah, I know, I need the rest. I need that break from planning those wonderful weekends for us to spend lots of time together b/c our time in the same place was drawing to a close. And though the job has been demanding, and I have so many other things I need to complete, it still won't be the same without you wondering when I'll be finished working on the 'puter. I should be thinking wow, now I can sleep later and longer, or even go to bed earlier. And now, yeah, I can get all of that work that's been hanging over me like a dark cloud done. I could even catch up with friends I haven't spent a lot of time with in God knows how long. I could do that work in the house I had been putting off, or even take a bike ride or rollerblade. But for some reason, I think I'll be spending my weekend, thinking about you and deeply feeling that you're not here. I'm stuck, forced to figure out how to be one again, when I'm really still two-in-one.

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