« Previous Entry | Main Diary | Next Entry »
07.25.03 12:17 AM
idle time
When the clock struck 12, I finally felt it. I mean that empty feeling. Yeah, that's what I felt. Something about the clock striking 12 made me realize it'll be the first weekend in about a year and a week, that you won't be here for me to love in person. Yeah, I played it cool when you boarded the plane, as I watched the tears stream down your face as we partook in that final embrace. Just now I'm thinking, what am I going to do this weekend? Yeah, I'll probably go to the gym, something I've been putting off once I knew you'd definitely be up and out. Yeah, I'll probably catch up on all those writing assignments and grading of student's papers. And yet, that emptiness will filter through my body, shocking my system, and funnel out of my pores. It's 'cuz you're not here in the flesh. I'll probably speak to you. Do some serious IMing, and OT phone calling, but damn, the emptiness is settling in. And though I know we're still together, you're just so damn far away. My weekends have been filled with you, and lately everyday has been. Yeah, I know, I need the rest. I need that break from planning those wonderful weekends for us to spend lots of time together b/c our time in the same place was drawing to a close. And though the job has been demanding, and I have so many other things I need to complete, it still won't be the same without you wondering when I'll be finished working on the 'puter. I should be thinking wow, now I can sleep later and longer, or even go to bed earlier. And now, yeah, I can get all of that work that's been hanging over me like a dark cloud done. I could even catch up with friends I haven't spent a lot of time with in God knows how long. I could do that work in the house I had been putting off, or even take a bike ride or rollerblade. But for some reason, I think I'll be spending my weekend, thinking about you and deeply feeling that you're not here. I'm stuck, forced to figure out how to be one again, when I'm really still two-in-one.
posted by lynne | link to this |
TrackBack
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.lynnedjohnson.com/cgi-bin/pingit.cgi/221
Comments
You'll do all of these things and more, and you'll have plenty to share when y'all get to talkin' and sharing virtual space again. (I know whereof I speak.)
posted by George | July 25, 2003 6:39 AM #
ahhh, i'm familiar...so much that my eyes tear up as i read this. but george is right. and tho it may not seem possible, your time together will become even more special.
posted by lisa | July 25, 2003 5:28 PM #
I feel ya girl. But George is right. Just think of all the good times once y'all meet again. Work out of the way, memories burned deep in your soul and your sweet thang back in your arms.
posted by ronn | July 26, 2003 1:33 AM #
Only time will redeliver the presence that suddenly changed lives so precious. Yes b4 that time emerges there will be lots of heartache and pain. But look @ it this way everything happens for a reason and once the duties are done apart...togetherness will come and stay a lifetime with 100% of both hearts.
posted by T-butter | July 26, 2003 2:23 AM #
i FEEL this.
mostly because my beloved and i are involved in a long distance relationship (1 month and we'll be in the same place!!). leaving him, physically leaving him, was SO painful. i think watching someone you're in love with board a plane is one of THE most devastatingly painful experices one can go through.
but you know what? it's worth it.
at the end of the day i'm in love like i've never been in love before, and if i have to endure high phone bills, lonely nights, feelings of longing & wanting, then i will endure it. because at the end of the day...he's worth it.
you'll make it lynne....just keep busy & call your lover whenever the mood hits you.
posted by britni | July 26, 2003 5:11 AM #
Damn -- I totally felt entry.
posted by Antonio G | July 27, 2003 10:11 AM #
I've lived many places, and while relationships change when you are far away, they don't disappear. You two can't help but to complete each other, it seems. So, don't trip when you miss your loved one... you're still living your lives together - only physically apart. It will be MAGIC when you see each other again... you'll have so much to share of your experiences! Hours and hours of storytelling... pictures to share... and catching up to do ;)
Keep ya head up!
posted by Fortune | August 1, 2003 8:15 PM #