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09.23.04 01:55 AM
i haven't known what to say...
now, i didn't really know aaron. at least not in the way that george, or jason, or ej or some others did. i mean certainly he was one of my friends on orkut and yes since i've been blogging since 2001, we've come into contact. but direct communication, i did not have with him. so when i heard the news, i felt so out of touch, so disconnected. for one, because in all these years, i had never really connected with him - and lately i haven't really connected with anyone who i've been known to call my blogfam. so i felt kind of numb.
what i do know is that i respected aaron and his blog. i thought him otherworldly - and i mean that in a positive sense. with all my pop cultural mutterings, i just never really saw myself as being in his universe, b/c he was just so brilliant and so all-over-the-place (in a good way) with his commentary. what else i know, is that the one or two times that i checked my stats to find that aaron had mentioned me or linked me that i was like "whoa!" i didn't even know that he knew i existed, for a long while i had no idea and had no reason to fathom such.
so when i received a couple of IMs about it - i was dumbfounded. i wanted to know where i'd been, why i hadn't known sooner. and it's b/c i've been so out-of-touch, wrapped up in many things that have become my new life. and i realize that i miss this life, this blogging life, just like i miss aaron's presence out here in this other world that we have created.
posted by lynne | link to this |
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"I need people. That statement seems simplistic and possibly transparent on it's surface, but for me to say those words......" [read more]
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Comments
I feel very similiar to the way you do. I held off on long commentary because I didn't want to disrespect his memory by frontin.
posted by Hashim | September 23, 2004 12:15 PM #
I'm with you, Lynne. I never knew Aaron personally, and for the longest time I've felt somewhat disconnected from the blogosphere (my, how I hate that word) that it shouldn't have been a surprise to me that I didn't know about his death, or about other people's reactions to it. Unlike you, however, I'm still not sure whether I miss this blogging life; the one thing I do miss is connecting with people on an intimate level, rather than through words entered into a text box.
The one thing I think I've forgotten -- and I think a lot of us who live an online life tend to forget -- is that there is so much living to do when one gets out from behind one's eyes. Introspection and analysis have their place, but I don't want those somewhat solitary activities to take the place of actually *touching* people, seeing them, smelling them, watching the way that their eyes crinkle when they smile, or learning to love that little furrow in their brow when they're contemplating something.
So if I've taken anything away from Aaron's passing, it's that I need to make more "meatspace" connections with folks, to move past the merely metaphysical and into the physical. I don't know how I'll be able to afford it financially, but spiritually an emotionally, I think it's something we should all move mountains to do.
posted by Cecily | September 23, 2004 1:38 PM #
thanks cecily. and i guess that's what i meant. there was a time i was talking to some of this folks i've met through blogging on the phone, or going to visit them when i was in their towns, or having this meet up we have in nyc sometimes, or even my just going out once in a blue with a new york blogger. i've met people through blogging that i really made a connection with and wanted it to be more real - but i've been missing out on that.
posted by lynne | September 23, 2004 1:58 PM #
just wanted to make sure i made it clear - is that i have made some real connections with some bloggers and those that i have and who i have met in person - i miss
posted by lynne | September 23, 2004 2:02 PM #
Lynne,
When my mother died, my godmother (her best friend) told me that life is for the living. I kind of thought it was a little insensitive at the time but the fact is that you have been living life. That is the bottom line. I posted about a similar death that was somewhat connected to me. I am not broken up about it but it still somewhat affects me. Basically, I can relate.
posted by Berry | September 24, 2004 9:44 PM #