Lynne d Johnson



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02.07.04 11:08 PM

the kid thinks too much

the kid, yeah that would be me. i am a never-ending continuation of thoughts and thoughts and thoughts and thoughts, and very little action lately. i get these ideas to start writing things, be it here, or other things in my professional life. always consumed with ideas i am. they just keep swimming at me, aiming directly for my head, leaving me tossing and turning in my bed for long hours at night into the wee hours of the morning. very little sleep is had, because the thoughts persist. the thoughts eat at me.

i think therefore i am. is that it?

but what is thinking without action? i know that in zen there is this way of non doing and just letting things happen as they will. letting life unfold and become you, because you are just that. i mean what happens. that's what you are. not what you plan you are or pretend you are. that zen thing is about detachment and sitting meditation, but think about it...

this would mean that things could be accomplished with no effort on your behalf. it's just the natural order of things taking place.

hmm, so here's a thought. ok, i need to stop thinking. in becoming so consumed with thoughts, i do become non-doing, but my non-doing is an anxious non-doing. it is not the relaxed non-doing of the self fully expressed or self realized.

so i need to stop thinking and stop doing and the energies and passions will direct themselves? hmmm, i'm not so sure about this. i suppose i lack faith.

learning to let go. to let be. to see clearly. to breathe.

so what. janet jackson's exposed her right breast. missy's new video is the shiznit. eminem's ex-wife was jailed for using cocaine and violating her probation. michael jackson is not the father of his two children from his ex-wife (not lisa marie of course). the passion of christ is causing an upstir. investigators raided the office of kazaa in australia. halle berry put on a cat woman suit to wish oprah a happy b-day. so what.

non attachment. non judgment. non doing.

i don't know, this post is probably more for me than for you. i just need to write. to get the thoughts out, to get them down. to stop thinking. to get my mind clear.

tv off. book away. typing stops now.

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