Lynne d Johnson



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02.13.02 11:07 PM

Testified for the grand jury

Testified for the grand jury today, and it was a really weird experience. With all the lecturing and presenting I've done, somehow, sitting up there, answering questions about the case, made me sweat. Also discovered that the judicial system sucks in the way that you are only asked questions which require you to present facts. No opinions. No hearsay. I mean I understand all of this, but I don't really feel that I got to the heart of the story by answering the ADA's questions. Besides, I don't know if I really felt he cared about the case. Well, at least I served my civic duty, although it took up a greater portion of my day.

Tonight, I did something a little interesting. My brother has this show on Brooklyn Cable Access called Mosaic Live. It's affiliated with Mosaic Magazine. Well, he decided he wanted to have Angel Kyodo Williams, author of being black: zen and the art of living with fearlessness and grace on the show. And he also decided he wanted to have me interview her. Well after grand jury, I came home and slept, so I had not prepared for the interview. But it was cool anyway. Angel and I kinda' go way back, so I had it all right there in my head. Everything I needed to ask, or say, was within me. Actually, I find it better to speak when there is less preparation. When it's cold, rugged, and raw. Must come from my middle school and high school days of freestyling. It's just natural. No pretenses. No worrying about whether you got your lines right or not. Perhaps that is just what went wrong in the grand jury for me today. Maybe had the ADA not rehearsed me so damn much, I could have gone in cold and free. Spontaniety is my friend. Suppose it is also a source of inspiration. Too bad it's leaving me out in the cold to freeze as I attempt to tackle these writing projects. The brain 'puter is still coming up—void. It's all like ASCII text inside my mind right now. GIGO. That's garbage in, garbage out for you non-geeks out there.

Anyway, the conversation with Angel went very well. I like to call them conversations. Interview seems more like a disconnect. Like I am not part of what is going on. We got to talking about black mental health. It's a topic that came up on the afrofuturism
list, ever since I posted the brief write up about dream hampton showing her film, I Am Ali at Sundance. I'm saying all this to say that right now I think I am going through some mental health issues. I mean, doesn't everyone, at some time or another? Got me to thinking, that maybe I should start meditating and creative visualizing again. Perhaps I'll be able to find myself within myself. 'Cuz right now, the chick I'm looking at in this 'puter screen—the reflection I see—ain't me.

Listening to
Fila Brazillia
's Jump Leads right now, and it is really mellowing me out. Recently wrote a review of the disc for
that should be out soon. The mood, it's putting me in is making me think I can begin to write now. Finally. Some peace within.
1:50 AM If you happen to drop by everyday, I really appreciate your interest. Truth be told though, I really don't have something to say all the time. Sometimes, I believe there are parts of my life that are much too personal to share. Other times, well, I just don't think that what I am up to is all that interesting. But, for the most part, I simply don't always have the time to post something everyday. At least, not something that is going to make you oooh and aaaah. Got it? Good!

So, let's see, what happened today? Well, I had a lot of writing projects to finish, and basically I am still ass deep in 'em. Can't seem to get my writing groove going. And it really sucks, not only b/c I need the $, but also b/c I've been offered some really nice opps to get my voice out there. And I don't want to jeopardize my writer-to-editor relationships. But sometimes, the brain puter is just not functioning properly. At least as of late. I mean, what's really happening is that I want to put a lot of focus on my grad school ish this semester. I'm really trying to get as many A's as possible. And now that I have tree (that's Jamaican patois for three) jobs, well, I have to wonder: 1. just how many hours are there in a day anyway? and 2. can someone really shift their brain puter that many times throughout the course of a week, and still be, well, in some way, brilliant? These are rhetorical questions folx. I'm not really asking 4 your advice. These are just the kinds of things I ask myself on the regular. Well, anyway, see u the next time I have time. Thinking maybe I should just keep this blog as a media posting column. I'd be able to do that a lot easier, since I really don't want to talk about myself and my goings ons.


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