Lynne d Johnson



« Previous Entry | Main Diary | Next Entry »

08.11.02 04:42 PM

he got game

"Controlled by the screens/ What does it all mean/ All this shit i'm seein/ Human beings scream vocal javelins/ Signs of a local nigga unravelin"-Public Enemy, "He Got Game"

Did I forget to mention? Yeah, I probably did. Martin Lawrence. What to say? Well, last week at the barbershop, while getting my caesar faded Runteldat was on and I was laughing. So I copped a bootleg from the barber before I left. Yes I did. No questions please. But what did I think? Hmm... I thought, ok, he hasn't lost it. Then I thought, not quite that funny. But mainly I thought, introspective. Very introspective. I started thinking, is it 1982? Am I watching Richard Pryor: Live at the Sunset Strip? The similarities are uncanny. And I'm not just speaking on the cussing. Perhaps it was both comics ability to laugh at their f'ups. To come on stage and divulge their own thoughts and feelings about how drug use almost cost them their careers, and well in Pryor's case — his life.

Now I am not suggesting that Lawrence is like the second coming of Pryor. Not at all. But Lawrence is something other than Chris Rock or Eddie Murphy. He is much more in the tradition of Pryor than any of the new-jack comedians out there. So I had a hearty laugh. And like I felt many years ago about Pryor — well, I felt sadness. Sadness at a black man being so lost within himself, that he can't even see himself. Not sure that one made sense y'all. But I'm trying. It's a hard feeling to explain. Making people laugh is an art, a talent, no doubt. But comic genius is even harder to come by. If it's your job to make people laugh — all the time — then do you have time to allow yourself to feel sadness? How about feeling lost? Of course I don't know if there are answers to these questions. On the upside though, Lawrence, it seems, has made a comeback.

chilling with the fam

On another note, yesterday was my last day of classes. But I have a few more things I have to finish working on. I'm feeling a little bit like a loser for not having been able to hand everything in on time. I just want to be able to wipe my brow, and say, Whew! My mom cooked me this awesome dinner in celebration of the completion of my Masters and also my 3X birthday (the b-day is actually the 17th). She feels these things are milestones. And while I appreciate her thoughtfulness, sometimes I wish she wouldn't make such a big deal. She originally wanted the entire fam to go out on a fancy restaurant excursion, but I suggested she cook instead. I didn't want my life (achievements) to overshadow my brother or sister's. I don't like to think of my mother as treating me differently than them, but in some ways maybe she does — I am her baby. But they hate on me enough already as it is. Don't get me wrong, they love their little sis, but sometimes I feel like they compare my life to theirs. I admire them both for who they are, and wouldn't even be who I am today had it not been for their support and guidance after my father died when I was 16. They were the ones who told me to go on with my life as daddy would've wanted. Because of them, I became driven and determined. They helped me to hold it together and to become a woman. I have my problems with them, no doubt, but overall they are my backbone, my glue.


Complexities in the ex's new life has brought us closer lately. So much so that I have begun to feel more comfortable speaking about what is going on in my life. But I'm starting to think I revealed too much, and then maybe not enough. Ex read me last week for my current choice in playmate. I know that was a weird way to term it, but as I'm not ready to go the relationship route just yet that is the best word I can come up with right now. Anyway, ex really gave it to me. And I let those words burn me for like two days. Now I'm coming to realizations. 1. I still have a lot more work to do at sorting feelings out for ex. 2. I must have reservations about current playmate for ex's words to have been able to do so much harm. Of course, I was trying to find a way not to think of ex as hating, but instead tried to see ex as being a friend offering constructive criticism. On one hand though, I feel those opinions should have no affect on me. It isn't like I'm trying to get married or anything. I'm just having fun and meeting new people, and of course not trying to hurt anyone along the way. Life is too short to not pause and be able to simply live in the moment. A Zen Master once said, "Tomorrow is not real. It is an illusion. The only reality is now."

posted by lynne | |


TrackBack URL for this entry:


This weblog is powered by Movable Type 3.3 and licensed under a Creative Commons License.