So What

It seems that people have an incredibly hard time reading someone's writing about their personal life, especially if the writer's personal life is in a downturned state. Are people supposed to be happy all the time? Are they supposed to talk about politics and pop culture all the time, and regard their own lives with little significance? Whatever man. I am where I am, and I'm gonna' be where I'm gonna' be.

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Makin' Moves

D. made a CD for me entitled Makin' Moves and gave it to me on our last solid visit together on the 15th. The message was very clear. Although an upbeat, house vibe, that was only the background. The lyrics were mainly about love lost and knowing when to let go. We listened to it together, along with a slower CD D. made named Mocha Mellow Hotness. It took a moment for the message to set in. But it has. D. has made moves and moved on. And though I am not terribly surprised, D. has a new lover now. I felt it, although I wasn't sure it was the right feeling. It was exactly a month ago we officially broke up, and a year from D's second trip to NY before moving to NJ from FL in November. Funny how time changes things. Don't get me wrong, I am not an angel in all of this. I broke our trust, and so the events that ensued were inevitable. Still, it hurts. Still, I miss what was and what could've been. I could take the coward's way out and say, "It's all for the better, we ultimately wouldn't have worked out anyway." But I'd be lying to myself. So after reading Lauren's entry today, about her love lost, I know I have to muster up the courage to make my own moves. I believe that is all I can write for now.

Addendum: now that Google has 14 pages of my site indexed, the site is popping up in some interesting searches and the search my site tool is also working now. Also, RJ Reynolds had a link to me in a metafilter post today, and rice candy quoted my whole Womb Worship piece the other day. You never know just who's watching you.

Take notice, Tech, race, and pop culture talk will resume shortly. For now, I'm just being me.

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All the leaves are gone

It seems like everyone is on hiatus or part of this May 1 reboot. No one is blogging. Or just not anyone I usually read. Just as well. I am not here anyway, it feels my mind has gone far, far away for some time now. A little dejected, but I know I will be myself again. Soon. And if not myself, then I will be someone new. A better, faster, stronger machine. Maybe even my immortality will set in, and none of what I am feeling will seep through the very core of my being as it is. There seems to be a chill that enshrouds my body, but I know it isn't real, yet I keep shivering to ward off that icey-edged prickiness stinging my heart. Again, and again, and again.

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Womb Worship

Before I get into the sermon for today, I'd like to give a shout out to Zakia of Coloredgirls for her piece Death of a Book Club in Africana today. She is definitely a writer on the come up. I remember when I was at Blackplanet, she was one of the best book reviewers we had.

Finally got my The Red Clay Arts In Studio Series catalog. And my piece on The Revival: Church of the Living Womb, as performed by Tish Benson and Liza Jesse Peterson, is even better than I remembered. There are also pieces by Kevin Sipp, Umi Vaughan, Charles Nelson, and Kiini Ibura Salaam. My only regret is that b/c I taught classes on Thursday nights, I didn't really get to see the whole series. Anyway, here's what I wrote:

Life in its complete state is a balanced sphere—male and female, negative and positive, upper world and lower. World cultures offer a proliferation of hieroglyphs representing life: 360 degrees, yin/yang, ring shout, cipha' Bakongo cosmogram, veve, ankh, earth, star gate. Ultimately, the world's symbols of life are representations of the original sacred sphere—the womb.

Remember that first intergalactic travel? Each of us got coded with DNA and fortified with amniotic fluid while reclining in the womb/tomb waiting to resurrect. Our journey to life brings all of us through the portal where spirit and soul meshes with bone and flesh. Immersed in the universal womb waters, we are baptized. It's time to take it back. Back to the womb, where it all began.

Let's take it back to the lake with folks getting drenched in the electrifyin' new spirit. The moon is high in th enight sky. The revival tent has been pitched and it's time to testify. We talking revival, revolution, and rebirth. That Black Church thang, where newborn souls get saved and sanctified. That place where folks get to whoopin', hollerin', and moanin'.

But this here is the Church of the Living Womb. It is the dawn of the Age of Aquarius—Aquarius, the servant of humanity is prophesized to pour out the water of knowledge to quench the thirst of the world. During the Age of Aquarius, women—carrying life-sustaining waters in their bellies—will bring the word. Yes, the sermon has got to come from the women. And the vibrational waves which ripple from their lips will birth a new energy to heal and protect the world.

The new millennium calls fro a feminist, womanist, sister souljah-type ministry because right now, the world is in upheaval. We are rooted in strife, and the dastardly isms—sexism, racism, ageism— continue to plague our existence. African Diasporic women are suffering from uterine tumors and cancers at alarming rates. There's an imbalance going on y'all.

Nature-womb-mother has protected us, but we ignore and disrespect her. Interestingly, in the days when Africans were enslaved, there was an egalitarian division of labor; men and women were equal in the fields. As it was during the time of Kemet, women played a significant role within society. During the slavery era, women were the primary workers in medicine and ritual, just as the supernatural powers of dieties like Isis, Maat, and Hathor brought balance and creativity to ancient Kemetic culture.

Up in the church of the living womb, they be all about perserving the legacy of the womb. Just as the ancients worshipped the matriarchal line of sovereignty, the sister preachers of the Church of the Living Womb—Sistah Pastor Preacher Prayer Tish Benson and Sistah Pastor Merlina Liza Jessie Peterson—demystify and decode feminine principles and energies. We need to heed the sister preachers' words and treat the womb, and all her manifestations right, to bring back the balance.

In Christian terms, the head of the Church was Jesus. In essence, the Church was Jesus' wife, another aspect of the womb—the living church. The anointed body, which is the congregation, abided by the laws and covenants of the church. Similarly we must adhere to the laws of nature, for she be mother and daughter to us all. The womb is the gate to our salvation, for without her, where would we be?

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Give Me Body

Back on March 24 Cecily posted an entry entitled Power. And she said:

"As I lazily flipped through the pages, past the pictures of models representing "thin" and "tall" and "curvy", my eyes came to rest on a photo of Laila Ali, sparring with another female boxer whose name escapes me. I'd seen Ali before, but never really paid that much attention to her, mostly because of my distaste for the sport and my nagging suspicion that she's riding on her daddy's coat tails. This time, I was transfixed by her physique and one word came to my mind over and over again. POWER."

"Her legs were twin mahogany pistons, elegant and firm, with thighs so taut and sculpted they looked not so much like flesh as marble. Her arms were fluid and graceful, yet were a testament to her strength and dedication. It suddenly became obvious to me that this is the body I want. You can have your waifs, your lollipops, and your so-thin-you-can't-see-'em-if-they-turn-sideways lovelies, I want to be a girl-jock. I want a broad, expansive, powerful back like Venus Williams. I want arms so cut that when I wear sleevless blouses, women and men alike can't help but utter "Damn!" when I walk by. I don't want the grotesque bulk of female bodybuilders or professional wrestlers. I want to undo the years of societal and familial conditioning that pushed me away from my tomboy ways into being "a little lady." I want to tap into my body's power, to feel it pushing, sweating, straining, lifting and pulling. I want to see it change and take shape, to see it emerge from this place where it just doesn't seem possible, and I don't want to have to result to surgery, or starvation, or Richard Simmons to do it. The power is within me. I own it. The next step is to harness it."

I've been thinking about that post all month. Thinking about what my body once looked like nearly two years ago, give or take a little. Granted, I have very little body fat, but age is wearing on. And any woman knows that without excercise, things tend to happen to the body. Call it loss of gravity, if you will. I want to surpass the body I once had when I used to do push ups almost any time I had a moment to spare thoroughout the day. I want killer abs. Cut biceps and triceps. But of course in a shapely, sexy way. I keep talking about how I need time to do things, truth is, if you really want to do something, you'll make the time. The time is now. BTW, the photo is of my back about a year-and-a-half to two years ago.

I'm also seriously contemplating my life's mission, or at least my mission for the moment. Hardcore was discussing this very subject today over at Thought 4 The Day. How timely. You see folks, I have to figure out what I will be doing over the summer. Pretty much everything I am doing now, except my final semester of this MBA in Media Management, will end in June. Do I go back on unemployment, and simply enjoy my summer and worry about bills? Do I freelance? Do I consult? Am I writer, teacher, Web usablility expert? Am I all these things rolled into one? So many questions, so little time. But most important, money is a real critical factor in the thought process. I am also just so very much in burn out mode. I feel like I have been working non-stop ever since last year, with very little time for play. Oh how I want to be able to play again. If you want to help keep a sistah smiling while she is under massive amounts of stress, feel free to send a gift. I'll take anything from my wishlist, even used stuff. I'll be adding the wishlist to my menu soon too.

Now an update on site tools: netcomments should be back up in about a day or two, so you'll be able to post again and view comments from previous entries. Also going to start putting in name tags to work with comments better, it will also enable better linkage for folks who might want to reference a particular post or comment. I finally got all those meta tags out that told Google not to search the inner pages of my site, and I'm going to give it a couple of weeks to see if you can finally search within the contents of my domain. If not, I might consider using Atomz site search. Keep you posted. Until then, be peace.

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No Sleep Til Brooklyn

Haven't slept a wink since I woke up yesterday morning. The night before, got about four hours. And there's still a few tid bits of work to do. Can't believe I am still up. I know my ass is about to crash. Can't wait to sleep! Tell you all about my finals later. Made a really wack site for one of my final projects. Really should've put more into it. I mean I did, but I ain't no designer yo. I am behind the scenes. I understand the technology. I know what a Web site should contain. I understand an effective Web strategey and biz model. I'm like all about analysis and information architecture. But anyway, wanna' see the site? Here it goes.

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MC English Teacher

J-Live, the underrated Brooklyn-based MC has a chat with Adam Heimlich in NY Press. Now I know why he writes dope rhymes, he's an English teacher. I also now know why teaching came so easy for me, I'm just using my back-in-the-day move-the-crowd skillz.

Heimlich: How did it play out, you being an MC English teacher?

J-Live: It's the same thing onstage or in a classroom. You have to have a plan, you have to have a show. You have to be able to freestyle. You have to be the master of the ceremony in the classroom, and you have to teach onstage.

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Cramming to Understand

The other day I was at the office where I hold an internship. I was sitting at the conference table eating my lunch and reading Wired. Well, someone comes in and puts a copy of Details on the table with Puffy on the cover. I have no idea when the issue came out, or whether the magazine was put there to peak my interest, but eventually it did. I picked it up and turned to the Puffy story. Ok, can someone please explain why a story on Puff Daddy, P-Diddy, or whoever he is, needed a full photo layout? Not only was it a full photo layout, but it had Puffy in compromising positions with topless women. Here are the images that stood out most. He in the tub lying on a naked woman, with bubbles all over him. He with his head next to a woman's breast, well really next to a woman's nipple. What is that all about? He in bed with one woman laying her head in his lap, and another in the background. Then there was this two-page spread, he on the left, and two practically naked women all up in each other's faces on the right page. I didn't even read the story, but doubt that a story on Sean "Puffy" Combs warranted photos of topless women. I'm a little peeved. The photos were beautiful, don't get me wrong, I simply fail to see the relevance.

Next point of contention. Something I started noticing when I dropped my niece off at dance class yesterday, and then picked her up. What's up with parents letting their 12 and 13-year-old daughters wear clothes made for grown women? Especially when they have the bodies of grown women? Isn't that just asking for trouble? I saw so many little girls in these tight ass skirts, and tight tops with their tits all bulging out. I got to thinking about R. Kelly. Hmm... Let's see, although he might be guilty, aren't parents, damn isn't America, somewhat responsible for breeding and feeding such monsters? Sure a grown man knows he has no business messing around with little girls, but when parents let their little girls go out looking and acting like grown women, who is really at fault here? It made me so damn mad to see these little girls, rushing to be grown, and to know that their moms or pops let them walk out of the house like that. This ish just really pisses me off. I wish netcomments was back up and I could put my comments link in so I could hear y'alls thoughts on this.

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(In memory of my locs)

Today is a gorgeous day in NYC. A perfect day for the beach. Sidewalk cafes are open. There are bare feet, bare legs, and bare arms everywhere. (Note to self: time to take the summer clothes out of the trunk and get a pedicure). I feel bored. Restless even. Antsy. I want to do something. Take a bike ride. A walk in the park. A drive upstate to the mountains and waterfall. But I can't. Still working on finals, and I have to go pick up my niece and cart her to her dance class. Like a fool I wore all black today. My pores are yielding prespiration. Just as I was rethinking regrowing my locs, I remembered how hot it was to have all that hair on my head, just hanging. Yet, a piece of my spirit misses them. Their connection to my unlimited potential. My crown of thorns. Reminding me, when I thought with my Christian head, of my link to the Christ child. Or when I was on my Ausar/Auset trip, the locs were my antennae. Still a spiritual thing. OK, too deep, even for me right now. Just feeling like it's time to make a change. Or at least like change is around the bend. Don't know what it is yet, but it wakes me from my sleep at night. I am breathless often, as if I were running. Running toward something and not away from it. I think I'm going to strip now. I'll put on less clothing and sit outside in the courtyard while I study. I can at least soak up some sun before going to get my niece. But how I dread sitting in the hot car. Yeah I know, I can turn the air condition on, but I'm not letting this weather fool me just yet. It could still get cold again. And I'll be sick, just like all these crazy folks already wearing shorts and wife beaters or tank tops.

I need new music or something. To change the setting. To help redirect the thinking. A trip would be nice. Although I'll be in Cannes in May, that's school related. Trying to secure some freelance writing out of that trip too. My boy Peter, sent me this link
today. Photos from Jamaica. Wishing I were one of the chicks in the pics. Sigh...

tahir says he is going to mail out the Red Clay Catalog. I can finally see the piece I wrote on The Church of the Living Womb.

D. paid a visit yesterday. We are working on becoming friends. I think it's possible. And I don't have much more to say on
that. At least not now.

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netcomments will be down

netcomments will be down for about a week, so you won't be able to read the comments or post anything new. As for me, it's all about the finals right now, so my posts are at a minimum. I'll probably be back on the weekend.

Finally, someone I actually have known and worked with is blogging, and boy does he have a lot to say. Please check out trent, he knows a lot about music and he's a really gifted writer. Oh I'm sorry, there is another blogger out there that I have actually known for a little bit. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten you donald. And not only b/c you designed their sites, but b/c I think they're wonderful writers, I'll put james and keith into my links list somewhere. Besides, I interviewed james for the most recent issue of mosaic, and as for keith, well he used to be the roomate of one of my best friend's cousins in DC. Just have to think of a category for those boys. BTW, if you're reading donald, steven fullwood is dying to get a site too. Holla' at that boy.

One more thing, please stop trying to search my site, the Google bots have not yet spidered all my pages, so anything you enter is going to turn up with no responses. Basically, you can't search my site right now. So all you folks putting in the keywords "lesbian" and "gay" who are trying to fish something out, give it a rest until I tell you that the tool is actually working. For now, you can only search the Web, and not the contents of lynnedjohnson.com. That's right, I have eyes in the back of my head and am able to tell what you are doing on this site when you visit. :-)

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what does blogging mean to me

Monique said a lot about blogging and the Web yesterday that made me really take pause and think about what my purpose is with this blog, and with this overall Website in general. Is this site interesting to me? Is it something I would read even it wasn't all about me? Surely, the main purpose of this site is self promotion. But when I started the blog, I suppose I wasn't looking for another writing outlet, at least not to function in the same way as some of my published work does, but more as a real life journal. I wanted to offer people a view into my life. Not because I thought I was so interesting or my life was so amazing. I simply wanted to share my thoughts and the goings on of life in NYC, and specifically Brooklyn. At least as I live it. I didn't really think about what others might want to know about me or want to read. But as I started getting more into the blog, I joined some rings and other services where I got rated. Folks started hating on me, and then I got caught up in public opinion.

I started this blog to write. To write whatever I cared to write about on any given day. If folks liked it, cool. And if they didn't, well that would be cool too. I'm not trying to figure myself out here, or to write some great prose or anything like that. As I've mentioned before, I'm a paid journalist so writing is my livelihood. This blog was where I wanted to say, "Hey, I saw this interesting thing today." Or, "Hey, I did this, or met this person, or felt this way about this." Funny, reading Monique's post today brought me back to my focus. Basically back to my true purpose. I'm not simply writing for the sake of writing, but writing b/c I must. In many ways, it is the best way I communicate. Instead of talking to myself, and keeping all my thoughts buzzing about in my head, I'm sharing them with the global village. Again, this may not be interesting for some, and my focus may change from time-to-time, but nonetheless, it will be all me, raw, pure, and totally naked. LOL. OK, I won't be naked in the literal sense, but what I mean to say is that this blog is just what it is. Not meant for self promotion. Not a popularity push. Simply an organic unfolding of who Lynne is and what interests her.

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now that school is almost over

Today starts the countdown for the final week of classes for the semester. It's basically this week and next. I'm on my way to my Friday night's classes now. I had a lot to say today, but of course I don't have the time. I only get one week off at then end of April before the new semester begins. I can't wait until May, we go to Cannes Film Festival as our international study focus at the end of May. Then the semester ends in August, and hopefully I will be the recipient of an MBA in Media Management. Still no job on the horizon though. Although I did get a call about a possible gig today. Someone is putting a proposal on the table, and they want to add my name to it. More on that as things develop. Let's just say I'd be a dot.commer again. But in a very different and challenging way.

Anyway, my two PT gigs and internship all end in May and June. Wow, it was a year ago that BlackPlanet gave me the pink slip. And here I am now, probably all the better for it. I've accomplished a lot in a year, especially in terms of writing and teaching. I sucked in the relationship department though. It looks like my posts might be very sporadic during this next coming week. Just thought I'd let any regular visitors know. That's if I have any regular visitors. Also, if all things go well over at netcomments, I'll be adding a commenting system today. Thanks for the info on that service jason. Now folks can dialogue with me or with each other.

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the blogging revolution

Although I am pretty over Wired, this latest issue is pretty good. I've got the print issue, but it looks like they put the entire issue on the Website here. It's the music issue, and there are quite a few cool articles about the state of electronic music. The piece on blogging by Andrew Sullivan is also a must read. The Blogging Revolution: Weblogs Are To Words What Napster Was To Music.

Sullivan says:
In the beginning - say 1994 - the phenomenon now called blogging was little more than the sometimes nutty, sometimes inspired writing of online diaries. These days, there are tech blogs and sex blogs and drug blogs and onanistic teenage blogs. But there are also news blogs and commentary blogs, sites packed with links and quips and ideas and arguments that only months ago were the near-monopoly of established news outlets. Poised between media, blogs can be as nuanced and well-sourced as traditional journalism, but they have the immediacy of talk radio. Amid it all, this much is clear: The phenomenon is real. Blogging is changing the media world and could, I think, foment a revolution in how journalism functions in our culture.

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My life is all I have

"My life is all I have/ My rhymes/ My Pen/ My Pad/ And I done made it through the struggle/ Don't judge me/ What you say now/ Won't budge me/ 'Cuz where I come from/ So often/ People you grew up with laying in the coffin/ But I done made it through the pain and strife/ It's my time now/ My world/ My life/ My Life..."
- Pharoahe Monch, My Life

Those lyrics are just how I'm feeling today. As a matter of fact, those words speak to how I'll be feeling for awhile. In other events in my life, I turned one of my research papers from last semester into a bit of cultural criticism. There's a piece I wrote on the distribution of black films over at Bright Lights Film Journal. Check it out if you have the time. Another, shorter, less detailed version of that piece will appear as a features article in the upcoming print issue of Black Filmmaker Magazine.

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Not in a good mood

Not in a good mood right now. Just got home and noticed that my parked car was hit. Yep, ye olde hit and run. Not too bad, but bad enough. It just doesn't pay to have a car parked on the streets in New York. Just a couple of weeks ago, someone pressed up on the back of my car and ruined my muffler. Now a nice hit to the front driver's side, and knocked out my directional signal, banging up the whole light encasing pretty badly. My street sucks! My car has been broken into at least three times, and has suffered hit and runs at least twice. Glad I don't have a brand new flashy ride. I'd be really pissed right now.

Anyway....how is it that Timbaland can make the same bass line work, basically the same song, not only two times, but three? First it was Missy with Get Ur Freak On, then it was Bubba with Ugly and now it's Ms. Jade with Feel The Girl. And Petey's Raise Up is running real close in there too. Not quite as much as the other three though. Speaking of hip-hop joints, Pharoahe Monch is killing that hook on that new track, My Life, with Styles from the LOX.

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Six degrees of separation on the Web...

I'm linked to jason, who yesterday talked about trayc talking about cartoons. She was talking about BlackPlanet on April 2, and that is where I used to work before being laid off last May. Trayc is linked to george, who helped me sort out this CSS code back in January for the new look on my site. George posted Angel Kyodo Williams' quote in Salon about Oscar night back on March 29. Angel is someone I hang out with in Brook'nam sipping Chai and contemplating life. George also recently talked about AquaHydro's new site, laurenlindsey.com, which I stumbled across from a BlogSnob ad on my page yesterday and decided I was going to add her to my links because she is a fellow journalist. Lauren is linked to cecily, who back in February was mentioned, along with myself and other women bloggers of color, at coloredgirls.com as a site to check out. Cecily is linked to rashunda, who recently joined afrofuturism, one of my favorite discussion lists on the Web. And I've been a member for awhile now. I'm sure that if I keep searching, I'll find that this linkage never ends. We're all connected, some way, some how.

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resolved my googlebots problem

OK I finally figured out why this Google site search tool on my site isn't working and also why only my index page was coming up in search engines' indices. Stoopid me. When I picked up my CSS template from BlueRobot, I also picked up META tags that asked the Googlebots and other bots not to spider my pages. Glad I finally looked at the code again to figure this out. I would've been upset for some time to come. Now I'm going to have to wait until Google makes a crawl again so that folks can search my site if they want to. Oh no, actually it wasn't BlueRobot, I got those META tags from george. I'll have to ask him about that.

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Life is kicking my ass

Life is kicking my ass lately. I'm finally dealing with the breakup a little bit better now, but these three jobs (computer teacher with an adult education program, internship with a technology for learning project, and an adjunct professor post teaching a course on technology, culture, and communication) and school just really have me overworked lately.

In the final couple of weeks of the semester and I have a Website to finish creating, tests to take, and papers to write. That interview I had last week went pretty well, but I had to do so much in preparation for it. I had to learn all about electronic portfolios for students, faculty, and institutions, and I even designed a mini site that serves as a portfolio of my teaching experience and the main body of work completed in my MBA program. That took me forever of course.

Not quite getting the grades in school this semester I was aiming for, but I still have two weeks to turn it up. And I won't even mention my inability to take on any new freelance writing assignments. That's not even getting to the pieces I still have to get in to publications, including a piece I have to finish for this book coming out from SUNY Press on etiquette.

But in the midst of all this hustle and bustle, all this compounding stress, I did get some good news. I'll be on a panel on Black Music and Technology at the American Studies Association Annual Meeting this year in November in Houston. Whew!

This is probably a good time to turn this blog back into a media reference-type blog, instead of a personal blog. You know links to articles, with a point or two about the article and a little of my opinion about it. Mainly pop culture stuff. Yeah, I think now would be a good time for that. A lot easier to maintain given my current circumstances.

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Black History For Sale

Black History For Sale by Thulani Davis in the Village Voice.

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it's time to focus on me

Yesterday was definitely not a good day. I did some very unthinkable things. So what I got the mean old breakup blues...definitely not an excuse.

Haven't been smiling for a few days now, and barely slept last night. But I had to get all chipper and rosy for this interview I had today. It's a gig I really want, and really think that I'd be good at helping these folks to move in the direction that they would like to move in. But I don't know if I proved that, b/c I really wasn't at my brightest. More details on the gig when I know whether I got it or not.

So anyway, I put the smile on for the interview, but felt kind of lost in space b/c of my barely sleeping a wink last night. Tossing and turning and lamenting. Thinking of taking a bike ride today. The weather is nice. I mean there is no life if you're not living, right?

I think I have been allowing all of this work I have to do and the problems that were going on in the relationship b4 the official, final breakup serve as an excuse for just not enjoying life as I once had.

Speaking on living, in researching the topic of ageing, I came across some interesting ish on premature greying. First off, it's heredity. So I've definitely got that mark. Secondly, stress, bad diet, lack of exercise can contribute. Well, I'm two for two. Smoking may also be a factor. Well let's consider that as I have been writing more I have developed a nasty habit, in excess, while sitting at the keyboard. There's also some stuff about lack of vitamin B6 and Melanin. Well folks, I think I know what time it is. And what I have to do. As I stated before it's time to shift the paradigm. Got to get out of the box. Now.

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